This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
