Where did you get a picture of my penis
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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