If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
