I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
