remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
