God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
