We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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