that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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