So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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