I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
