help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
