Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
