Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
