I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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