I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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