Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
