So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
