My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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