So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
