I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
