You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
