Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
