bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
