How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize