At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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