ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
