I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
