I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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