We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
