Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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