Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You made out with two different species that night
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
