We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
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Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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