feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
