marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
