She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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