I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
