Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
