it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
