I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
