I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I touched a dick in church today
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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