ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
