and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
