So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
