I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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