oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
