If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
