Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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