3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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