I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
