Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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