When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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