in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
