She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
