If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
