it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
