Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
