The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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