I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
