I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
