at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
