i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
