is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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