So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
