video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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