I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
