I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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