I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
