Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
