Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Randomize
