it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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