It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
