I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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