Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
