so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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