My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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